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2009-09-12 01:24 pmSo it's another 12th date of the month. Now I'm 20 years and 8 months old. Time flies much faster than anything with high speed humans could ever think of.
Summer holiday has really gone by but my mind is still somewhere so far away from the college and this serious junior year. I bet I've wandered so much with my mind thinking all about the ideas of life which books gave me these days that I just find it so difficult to be back to real life again. The more I read my books, the more I feel lost in life, the more I feel scared of humans and their faces all wearing masks of lies and the more I feel ashamed to be a human. What have we humans done to our lives? Trying to make everything, every aspects of our lives better or just stupidly destroy everything by pushing the world closer to the doomsday? Sometimes I have feelings that we should not that proud of our intelligence because that makes us so aware of richness and ambition that we risk mostly every precious things on Earth to satisfy our insatiable greed but in the end, we still have nothing and even worse that we all become so lonely in our own world. Each is unique so it's hard to find a true soulmate who would always be able to be by your side.
Now I'm listening to "Hanoi no Ame", a Japanese song about Hà Nội. Rains in Hanoi, I really want to see how beautiful raindrops and yellow leaves are when Autumn is back to this city. Yeah "so the season of the fal begins... " and rains just keep falling all the day, days by days to make almost everything deep into a sadly wet. Anyway, I love the feelings of peace and calm while lying on the ground of my balcony, looking up at the sky above and watching the tears of God falling down from heaven and then smoothly falling into a sound sleep. But that is all the things happening in HCM city. I have a promise that I would visit Hanoi, which is the homeland of my grandparents and of course my mother's beloved land. I've never been there before so I really am looking forward to being in a real autumn, the season of the fall :). And most of all, I want to feel "Hanoi no Ame" in real life, with my real touch of the raindrops and real emotion of how memories of youth, happinese and loss are.
"Here in my country, tears are always hidden...
...
Everything has gone
...
Just dance with me,
'cause another journey has come to its end. This place is number 0, Hanoi..."
So sad but extremely inspired that I cannot stop images of rains and tears and the moves of lonely people in the rain continuously appearing in my head. Oops, imagination again. That means another nomadic journey with mind only :). Music is great, and meaningful movies are, too.
Last night, Dad had to force me to go to bed 'cause I stayed up so late ('till 5AM :D it's fortunate that I have no class today) but I disappointed him. Even when lights were turned off I still couldn't sleep. I just kept my eyes open and smiled. I thought of the review of an anime I kept reading and the end song of that movies :). It seems like life has so many faces that I still haven't found out. "5cm/s" - the speed of a cherry blossom falling down from the branch. I asked myself how fast I should move to be what I want and to meet the man of my life. And it's 5cm/s. Life must goes on :). Promises, dreams, loves and other things would be nothing than 0 if you don't have your own life :).
That means a lot to me beacause I have a tendancy of staying away from other's thought of real life :), so sometimes I even don't know if I'm real or not and I try to be back to real life, to be with everyone else, to please them and finally I get stressed which is the only proof that I've become so much unlike myself. So it's ok to be not like a girl my parents always want me to be, a person that everyone around always look forward me to becoming. Eccentricity, weirdness, contradiction, and provocation are not bad for me. I'm ok with being a noncomformist as everyone often thinks of me (but i don't think so) just because I have different ideas and thought from the others. Life cannot be the same everytime. 5cm/s, despite the distance I would still live my life in order not to be ashamed of the way I choose to live my life :). I'll write again, I'll go on imagination, I'll never refuse a chance to wander in silence as an invisible wind which lives forever.
I love the winds! :) I love the moves! :) And farewell my lost days! :) I'm back with the wind and with the desire to write about every precious things I get from life :).
Summer holiday has really gone by but my mind is still somewhere so far away from the college and this serious junior year. I bet I've wandered so much with my mind thinking all about the ideas of life which books gave me these days that I just find it so difficult to be back to real life again. The more I read my books, the more I feel lost in life, the more I feel scared of humans and their faces all wearing masks of lies and the more I feel ashamed to be a human. What have we humans done to our lives? Trying to make everything, every aspects of our lives better or just stupidly destroy everything by pushing the world closer to the doomsday? Sometimes I have feelings that we should not that proud of our intelligence because that makes us so aware of richness and ambition that we risk mostly every precious things on Earth to satisfy our insatiable greed but in the end, we still have nothing and even worse that we all become so lonely in our own world. Each is unique so it's hard to find a true soulmate who would always be able to be by your side.
Now I'm listening to "Hanoi no Ame", a Japanese song about Hà Nội. Rains in Hanoi, I really want to see how beautiful raindrops and yellow leaves are when Autumn is back to this city. Yeah "so the season of the fal begins... " and rains just keep falling all the day, days by days to make almost everything deep into a sadly wet. Anyway, I love the feelings of peace and calm while lying on the ground of my balcony, looking up at the sky above and watching the tears of God falling down from heaven and then smoothly falling into a sound sleep. But that is all the things happening in HCM city. I have a promise that I would visit Hanoi, which is the homeland of my grandparents and of course my mother's beloved land. I've never been there before so I really am looking forward to being in a real autumn, the season of the fall :). And most of all, I want to feel "Hanoi no Ame" in real life, with my real touch of the raindrops and real emotion of how memories of youth, happinese and loss are.
"Here in my country, tears are always hidden...
...
Everything has gone
...
Just dance with me,
'cause another journey has come to its end. This place is number 0, Hanoi..."
So sad but extremely inspired that I cannot stop images of rains and tears and the moves of lonely people in the rain continuously appearing in my head. Oops, imagination again. That means another nomadic journey with mind only :). Music is great, and meaningful movies are, too.
Last night, Dad had to force me to go to bed 'cause I stayed up so late ('till 5AM :D it's fortunate that I have no class today) but I disappointed him. Even when lights were turned off I still couldn't sleep. I just kept my eyes open and smiled. I thought of the review of an anime I kept reading and the end song of that movies :). It seems like life has so many faces that I still haven't found out. "5cm/s" - the speed of a cherry blossom falling down from the branch. I asked myself how fast I should move to be what I want and to meet the man of my life. And it's 5cm/s. Life must goes on :). Promises, dreams, loves and other things would be nothing than 0 if you don't have your own life :).
That means a lot to me beacause I have a tendancy of staying away from other's thought of real life :), so sometimes I even don't know if I'm real or not and I try to be back to real life, to be with everyone else, to please them and finally I get stressed which is the only proof that I've become so much unlike myself. So it's ok to be not like a girl my parents always want me to be, a person that everyone around always look forward me to becoming. Eccentricity, weirdness, contradiction, and provocation are not bad for me. I'm ok with being a noncomformist as everyone often thinks of me (but i don't think so) just because I have different ideas and thought from the others. Life cannot be the same everytime. 5cm/s, despite the distance I would still live my life in order not to be ashamed of the way I choose to live my life :). I'll write again, I'll go on imagination, I'll never refuse a chance to wander in silence as an invisible wind which lives forever.
I love the winds! :) I love the moves! :) And farewell my lost days! :) I'm back with the wind and with the desire to write about every precious things I get from life :).
